Because they never have a clear answer. There is never a way to make everyone happy in any given (to me) situation.
Yesterday was no exception. I went to San Antonio to initially house sit, but I had plans for the night to join the 3-4 groups asking me to go. I was excited and anxious to go, but after learning the cover charges went up and the fact that it would possibly be nothing but drama. Let me explain the extent of what I was expecting:
Drama 1:
My old best friend and her first love were going to be in the same place together. Old best friend gets mad any time I even ASSOCIATE my name to her ex, which I think is stupid because I’m friends with both of them. I had to balance both groups in a way that old best friend wouldn’t get mad and possibly cause a huge scene.
Drama 2:
A friend of mine I met through old best friend was going to be there with her girlfriend. This girlfriend never particularly liked me in the past because she always thought I was trying to steal her, my friend. I’ve always known the friend and I have been on the same page, but the girlfriend always had a grudge.
Drama 3:
The ex kept getting into trouble with someone in Drama 1′s old best friend’s first love’s group (god that’s confusing). The only way the EX was going to go is if she was throughly fucked up, and I’d have to babysit her the entire night. Basically, I had agreed to cockblock her the entire night.
Drama 4:
Girl I like, but never really thought I had a shot with. I knew/know her friends she was going with, but I never really knew their opinion of me. I didn’t really see a reason to go and try and flirt only to fail. I’d rather have her as a friend, but whats the point in going if she only ever calls me her bestie?
Drama 5:
Girl who likes me, and we’ve tried but it just didn’t work out. She would have seen drama 3 and gotten mad. Mad for the wrong reasons, but mad and hurt nonetheless. Then she would have seen Drama 4 play out. I didn’t know what was in store for Drama 4 at the time, but I guess for you that’s no excuse.
5 situations in one tiny little dance club. With a raised cover price and all those situations to play out, I decided not to go. It wasn’t worth it to me to have the potential for all that drama to happen in four hours for $20. But then, I got a call from girl in drama 4. She was throughly upset that I wasn’t going, and when I kept asking why she just kept saying, “Put it together Katie! The only reason I’m going tonight is for YOU!” So, I switched my focus on making last night right. I’d blown her off a million times just thinking we were friends thats all we’d ever be, but for her to actually tell me she likes me AND that we’d probably be dancing the night away–I just couldn’t let a chance like this slip by.
But I was honest with girl from drama 5. I told her, after I knew again I was going, that I’d be there, but for reasons she wouldn’t be happy with. When she asked–I told her. She felt hurt and betrayed, once again. Once again, I was the one with blood on my hands for her heartache, but what was I suppose to do? Drama 5 girl and I are no longer together–in fact we hardly ever were official. In my past posts are the reasons we fell apart. We gave it our all, and in the end it just did not work. Drama 5 wanted to call me and talk about what just happened. I told her there wasn’t much to talk about…Drama 4 just told me she liked me, and she was the reason I was going. Drama 5 got mad, and said something to the effect of that she was hurt again. I told her there was nothing I could do; we were hardly an exclusive item. We were left to do what we wanted, and maybe revisit the idea of us being together. However, there was no actual concrete evidence to point us in that direction. She agreed herself that August was going to be a good thing.
So, I guess I got mad that the cycle repeated again. It’s not that I failed to care; its that the situation failed. I’m just sick and tired of hearing I don’t care and I’m a cold, heartless nothing. I’m not. I’ve stood by drama 5 more times than I can count, and I never once regretted it. Although now, I’m constantly rethinking my decisions. All it is is drama. By no means is it a happy, healthy friendship with us. One side is always different, and I fear it will always be that way. With Drama 4, yeah, she can be a bitch, but she’s not a bitch. Everyone has that ability, but we’re not defined of what we can be. However, I know she doesn’t bring me drama. We get along and joke and have fun with no strings attached. I’m not thinking about how I may come off–I’m just myself. I’m flirty, happy, playful, and just all round myself. It’s different, and that’s why I’m going for it. It’s how I feel, and I’m tired of getting slammed because of how I feel. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. I know with 4, I can still be friends with her afterwards. With 5, it’s always the unknown volatile relationship. It can always go either way. I’m not looking for that anymore.
This is your last post, and after this my door will be forever deadbolted.
